The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
