my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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