Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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