proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
