i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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