My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
