My friends, they love my intelligence
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
