i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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