3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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