More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
