He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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