Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
40s are totally the cure
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
