He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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