You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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