he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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