you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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