I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
