shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
