am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ok first of all what the fuck
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
