Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
