Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
