I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
