My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
