You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
