You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
