therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
