Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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