Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
