Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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