His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
