I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
