Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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