I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
