Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
