but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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