I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
