remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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