It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
