I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
