Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
