Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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