I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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