she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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