he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
