I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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