I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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