If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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