fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i came on her dog
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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