I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
