I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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