my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
