Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize