I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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