I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
