there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
