"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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