I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
