This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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