my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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