We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
