I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
