dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
