you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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