Got a toothbrush?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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