Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
