WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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