I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
