I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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