He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
